Wednesday, January 19, 2011


an excerpt from the book, "How to Change the Mind of the Mediocre Man"

I recently conducted some focus group sessions which had a comfortable mix of women and men of varying ages, backgrounds, social classes, and ethnicities in the effort to put to the test my concept that a woman's perception of a man may be shaped by their initial or long-term encounter with a man. I also wanted to explore the probable difficulties that might be encountered in changing that perception, when women entered a relationship with another man at a perhaps "more seasoned point" in her life. I particularly wanted to examine how a different "type" of relationship (with a man who possessed better/differing "Matterment" than in previous contacts) might impact her generalized views of men. It is not surprising that you're wondering, "What in the hell is Matterment?" Well, here we go...{Mat-er-muh-nt}-noun A system of measuring that which matters to an individual, as it relates to the weight placed on specific items or ideologies, from greatest to least.

I found it quite intriguing in this somewhat informal and certainly non-scientific behavioral study, that most of the women had preconceived ideas and viewpoints of the "ideal man" that were obviously fashioned and formed early in childhood. Almost without exception, they preferred the following: The man who would keep their automobile gas tanks filled, the man who regularly read the "Business Section" of the evening newspaper, the man who was at ease wearing suits and dress shoes regularly, the man who possessed dreams and aspiration, and the man with specific "spiritual principles".

Yet, in almost every case, these women "subjects" admitted dating or otherwise developing socially interactive relationships with men that were totally opposites of their perceived and preferred ideals. They openly admitted dating men who possessed few, if any, of the aforementioned personal characteristics that they had indicated were preferred. They had "settled" for men who were void of most of those "ideal" prerequisites for long-term relationships that they had so vehemently demanded as priority consideration. Others, of course, optioned not to date at all, acknowledging that "good men were hard to find".

Interestingly, these women had become attracted to men with the negative and unpolished characteristics, which in their childhoods, they had been "programmed" to avoid. They had subliminally, or at least unwittingly, become "seduced" by negative traits that these men possessed, without reservations and pretty much without exception. They seemed to have found it very difficult to find the attraction of a man who they could respect or who could provide some challenge or additional goal attainment dimension for them.

My message to you Ladies, "STAY FOCUSED!" Never lower your standards or your personal "Matterment". Require us as men to be held to a higher standard...Standards are set for a reason, when they are lowered you send the message, "I'm not worth my standard!"

Whatever you do ladies..."STAY FOCUSED!"

Kervance Ross
Author, CEO, Mentor, Motivational Strategist


  1. Kervance,
    I absolutely loved your piece on "Stay Focused." I think at times as women we take men at their word and truly believe what "they say they are," until they actually show us who they "really are." In certain instances the contradiction lies when we think we see the potential in someone and truly believe that if we are supportive and really love that person, we bring out the best in them. The problem is we may have met their "representative" or perhaps they may have been well intentioned but some how fell short of who we thought they were. Good Talk...

  2. I think is information is very necessary to many women today because we have become so easily deceived into thinking that if we support the man, they will eventually change. Hearing our grandparents state, "behind every good man is a good woman," however, it seems that men of today that have not already come into their own is simply using the heart of women to perpetrate a fraud. I personally believe in my worth and while I have been known to give people an opportunity to prove themselves, my personal time limit in which they have to prove themselves are very short due to the necessity to keep it moving in a positive direction so that my purpose can effectively be fulfilled. Awesome Discussion